Unimaginable pain

I usually don't write about pain. Life exists with pain. I try to be upbeat and positive. But I had a set back in my road to recovery from five back surgeries (1 major, 4 minor) in addition to the pain that remains from the surgeries they couldn't do because the prognosis was not a good one.

A simple action, bending, reversed the enormous progress I had made. Now I am crawling to locations. If I can get up, it is to walk with painful slowness, inching my way from my zero gravity chair (which takes pressure off the disk compression) to the bathroom and back. No amount of heavy drugs which the doctor has prescribed take it away. And I hate them because they make me feel dizzy and sleepy. My alertness disappears and stupidity reigns.

No position: sitting, lying, walking or standing/leaning puts me into a relaxed mode. Some positions cause more internal screaming than the others, but all remind me to be grateful for those days of lesser pain which allow movement without grunting. I'm not certain why some pain evokes an audible response, but I have discovered they do. This is one of those days. May it pass like a dream at the waking.

Lyn