The twilight was cold and raining, but dear sweet Jaz, who was holding her own, though resistant to being force fed thyroid medicine, stood up and indicated she was going to leap from the secure spot I had for her next to me.
It was her sign to me, "I need to go do my business. Privately. I don't like a crowd when I eat or use the sandbox outside." So I gently lifted her and carried her to the door. She paused at the rain for a split second, but moved forward with determination on wobbly legs.
I stood at the door for a while. Sometimes she will take an hour before she whines at my window and calls for me to open the door to her, so I returned to my chair and kept an ear attuned to the raindrops, hoping for a telltale whine.
It never came. I searched. My family searched. Each day we searched all her familiar hideouts. Four days later, and I no longer believe she will return. The cold and her weakened condition left her vulnerable.
I kick myself for letting her out, even though it was our routine. My children blame me too.
She was the most beautiful of all cats. From the day I saw her in the pound, when we were shopping for a dog, I left only to dream about her that night. We returned the next day and adopted her. A dainty princess, she rarely caused me worry. Her cry so sweet, we wished she would 'talk' more. The life she lived here was queen of the roost. All adored her and she was highly selective to whom she deigned to give her attention.
I loved her more than all the other cats, even though I typically don't have favorites. Animals appeal to me at all levels. She touched my soul in a way that no other cat has.
Goodbye, my sweet, sweet Jaz. You hold a place in my heart and mind forever. Your spirit encouraged me when I felt pain. Your beauty awed me when life was bleak. Your gentleness and patience taught me I needed to cultivate those traits. I pray your last moments were peaceful.
My computer crashed with all my photos of her. I hope to get them off the hard drive transfer. But I listened to this song and thought of her. She did raise me up...or at least my spirits soared whenever she was around.
Goodbye, my love.